Parakeets

My grandmother had parakeets,

little yellow and green and turquoise

birds in a cage by the kitchen door,

looking out the window onto the yard

and garden, apt pets for a woman

whose domain was the warmth of her kitchen.

Perhaps their singing was a longing

to be out among the flowers and sky,

the sunshine warm on their feathers,

outside with the others, less colorful,

wren and robin and sparrow, preening

themselves in the garden below,

or maybe they sang for the cheeriness

of her company, her own song softly hummed.

Theirs was a song, though, that heartened

my grandmother as she worked there:

clothes washed and wrung and hung

out to dry, flapping in a warm breeze blowing,

like birds’ wings fluttering in a cage,

ready to fly, free and away;

or cookies made, sweets for the grandchildren,

and herself, snuck from the cookie jar

always full on the counter, an old tin

canister handy for the smallest of hands;

or a family to be cooked for, she and gramp

daily fed a country meal or a large brood

of children and grandchildren on a Sunday

after church encircling the dining room table,

a holiday or a special day, a birthday celebrating life.

I don’t remember when they left, the parakeets,

don’t remember the time from them being there

and then not, something we didn’t notice,

only one day finding the cage in the attic room

where the old and discarded went, curiosities

to grandchildren, cousins exploring

this secret world of the attic, secrets

from a past we never knew, wouldn’t understand,

wondering where they went to, the parakeets,

were they happy now, and free.

And at her end, dementia-bound,

my grandmother retreated to the attic of old memories

and discarded wonders, where, curious, we could not go,

searching for her and finding only the cage

she occupied now, locked fast against us, but freed

perhaps to look out to different gardens,

different sunshine, and maybe seeing us, listening

for her own song softly sung unheard,

remembering the warmth of her kitchen,

remembering the warmth of her love.